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wolf



I remember you as everything but your name. So I called you the wolf, the predator of the dark with a sharp eye that could spot the slightest of vulnerabilities.  The way you sank your teeth into my throat in a way that held me paralyzed so I couldn’t cry for help. You slipped your body into mine, pretending to not notice that I didn’t seem to replicate the actions you forced me into. I still wake up in hot sweats thinking about the way you satisfactorily licked your lips after you had feasted on my insecurities and left me like a limp prey awaiting death. It’s true I didn’t die, but a part of me sure did and as you walked away I wish I were dead.  The body no longer felt like my own, I was trapped in this body where I no longer felt welcome. I was a guest in the only place I had felt welcomed, you made me feel like an outsider in the truest sense. The sky grew overcast with clouds the color of a corpse, and it sucked me in and sure enough I was the storm. I was the eye of the storm and kept a careful eye on you to remind myself to stay far away from you. I could only watch as I destroyed everything in my path until there was no sign of life to associate with the body that caged my spirit. You really did break me; you made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to draw attention to myself. You made me feel so small that I no longer mattered even to myself. There were days where I would want to crawl under the dining table and pray I’d become invisible and then there were times where I’d smash everything that dared stand in my way. I was gifted with abundance of rage but not so much self worth. I tried to seem stronger than what I really felt and that was draining, trying to be someone else, someone strong, for every waking minute was tiring. Falling asleep was harder than it was to tell someone about how I was raped. I lay awake in bed with my eyes glued open because every time my eyes shut, I found myself revisiting the trauma. I still felt my skin crawl with the infection you put into me which reminded me of only you.

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