The Nocturnal Creature

I never really understood why we were spending so much time, energy, work to build time machine, some opportunities and people are long gone. I was much taken aback when someone who never spoke to stop me in the corridor and asked me if I considered working out because I had clearly become "fat" and that wasn't okay. I'm not sure if it was honesty that brought him to say this or was just a hurtful practical joke but then and there I shape shifted and time traveled to my past where it all came back to me. I was always the "chunky" kid while I was growing up and fat was the first thing that people thought about when they saw me, and I wasn't offended until I learned that it was meant to. I still explain my eating disorder better in present tense but I'm going to try to fight that urge. I used to find comfort in food, so much that I could eat after any meal of the day no matter how full I was. I'd eat when I had nothing to do, when I had to c...

Its all been lifeless, The wind in my hair and the rain drops on my face, They mean nothing. Everything beautiful now, Is a reminder of the war within. Only the good ones die young, Other wise why is it that we grow up to only break down. Maybe we are already dead, and greatfully so. Maybe we're the walking dead, our hearts made of hardened sadness of our souls. We must be damaged, Other wise why is it that we have scars on our wrists and thighs? We work on life for as long as we remember, Only to be buried in seconds. My heart is cold and my hands are stone. I don't feel the life when a butterfly stops to say hello, Or the leaves in the forest that try to save me, from myself. We've all grown up to become the poeple, we'd swore to never be. And when we did grow up, Nothing was as it seemed.

Summers almost about to end and i still haven't figured out as to why my life, all of a sudden has led to a path where nothing makes sense anymore. Its a point where you realise how important things are and there's nothing you can do to get there and put yourself out there. when you burn too many bridges all you are left with is a hell lot of ash and no light on your road ahead. Everything you plan on doing tomorrow will basically never happen. Its not pretty its rather chaotic and tiring but that's how i have felt for awhile now. I'm not sure any amount of sleep is good enough to get out of the monotone of being tired, it's basically become a part and parcel of me. this post has literally become like a diary entry and not really a blog post, and i didn't really even understand the difference and this again leads to more burden of the tiresome confusion i've put myself in. The only solution to this might just be going to the mountains and living with mo...

You came for me at the edge of the night. I'd like to think that you came for yourself because I never meant to disappoint you the way that I did.  I think you knew that, so you played it cool like everything was fine, and asked me why I never sang to you. I told you that I sang only to the tide and to cats, to which you told me you were both. I couldn't agree more actually, You were the unforgiving water that swept me off my feet, and the comfort of life, to remind me that I was indeed worthy to sustain it. But really, why is it that I didn't sing to you?

An unlikely friendship unfurled between the moon and I, its ghostly glow held me hostage. Its charm probably held the stars in place, I wondered, and the stars twinkled in agreement. The cicadas knew exactly what to say, nothing too much and certainly not less. The streets emptied, it was almost like the dark scared them, but here I was covered in darkness of the infinite night. It was just me and the children of the night in the sweet company of the echoing silence. What we forget is that the silence screams volumes, you just don't hear it.

No summer ever came back and no two summers were ever the same, times change and so do people. Time has a way of telling us and teaching us the difference between things that matter and things that don't, but we get too caught up in. We cut out and get rid of the people that are toxic and move on, time as it waits for none, and neither should we wait for the perfect time to start the process of healing and the adventure of finding yourself. You move on with your big dreams in your head and your beating heart in your chest and everything seamlessly falls into place, and if they don't remind yourself that after all the wars you've fought you're still standing and stronger than ever. Our lives are stories too powerful to be simply put down into paper, or even to be narrated, our lives are experiences only we truly understand so fuck the haters.

All that glitters isn't gold. you could be modest, yet bold.

Travelling in an auto during summer in Bangalore is something I would definitely not recommend. Sweat beading your every pore, its might seem like a similar experience to your favorite beach getaway, but in Bangalore that is in addition to soot and pollution that fills the city's air so well yeah its not idea for sure. Today was a little different though, today was about finding a little part of my past. Halfway across Bangalore in search of the language of my past, French, I arrived sure enough after the bottleneck traffic, and walked right in to the school where I would now spend most of my time now onward. After filling in the forms and completing the other formalities in the front desk I decided to grab a coffee and maybe even some French patisserie pastries. Of course this was only because I was on my cheat day, and I promised myself I would go gyming the next day but I too knew that was a little too much of planning and far too less enthusiasm. Right, back to the cafet...

It's so easy for you to forget me? Its almost as though we didn't even know each other  or we try to forget what happened. But if so, why do you still pretend like you didn’t mean to call me, but engage in conversation anyway telling me it’d otherwise be impolite. Wasn’t it impolite for you to blame me and make me sit up all night going over all the things in my head over and over? Wasn’t it rude then? Relationships almost always baffled me more than maths and that’s something for sure.   Or maybe it was all too real and you had to run away for something that wasn’t as challenging as us? Maybe a relationship with someone less opinionated or less “fussy”, in your words,  where you could start conversations with “whats up”. I’ve always hated it when you did that. if its really not that important don’t bother starting a conversation I wouldn’t mind, but small talks are something I’ve despised for the longest of times.  But hey, look what its all come to, here I ...

If you've lost your path, I suppose its okay to wander, to search the infinite possibilities in the night sky,  Don't break down as you burn through the atmosphere, and come crashing down at our world. You've fallen right from the sky,  you must be an angel, I think to myself, with constellation kisses, but maybe you fell for a purpose, and I might never know. Your halo almost blinded me at first,  now it just lights up my world. And after I saw your eyes twinkle, the stars were never enough, You are the fallen one and take you as you are.

Drink your sorrow away, smoke your fear and light your anxiety. snort some possibility if you have to, pour wine on your wounds, it burns but what is healing without a little pain? Cut your imperfections, edit them but remember, you're everything beautiful and your capable of love, and if anyone else thinks otherwise, cut them out of you life too.